As I recently celebrated another year of life and am entering a new
phase of mid-life (whatever that is) I began to contemplate the lessons
that I would pass on to my younger self.
Whether you are young or
young at heart, it is never too late to change — or incorporate some
new (and better) practices into your daily life.
Here are 10 wise lessons that I wish I knew when I was younger:
1. Don't worry about what other people think of you.
I
used to worry too much what others thought of me, of my decisions and
of my actions. Eventually, I came to realize that if you're wasting too
much time seeking validation, respect or approval from others, then you
won't have time to accomplish all that you desire.
Everyone has
an opinion, but in reality other's opinions of you are based more on
their history and perceptions than anything you're actually doing. So
while it's good to ask for feedback, rely on your own assessment of you
rather than others.
2. Today is what's important.
This is a
biggie on so many levels. Enjoy every moment of today, because you are
not guaranteed a tomorrow. Don't put off your dreams. Don't wait to do,
try, enjoy all of those “someday” items. Don't tell yourself I'll do it
tomorrow. If it's important to you, then DO IT TODAY.
Pay
attention to what is happening now, to the people around you, to the
task at hand and to all of the choices you make today, big and small.
What you do today, determines what tomorrow will bring. Our future is
set by what we decide and act on today.
3. Let it go.
What
happened yesterday is over. Those unmet expectations, difficult
situations, failures and conflicts are in the past. You can't change it,
so let it go. Don't waste your energy dwelling on anger, resentment or
disappointment. It only keeps you stuck in the past and holds you back
from moving forward in your life.
Also, learn to let the little
things roll off your back. Insults, criticisms, setbacks — let them all
go. Don't hold on to old resentments or slights. They only weigh you
down.
4. It's called work for a reason.
Success at
anything takes work. When you hear about an overnight success story,
don't forget about all of the work that came before. It takes time to
build a career or a business, prep work, time to learn and fail, time to
build a network and a team of mentors and supporters.
You may
have to do work you do not enjoy and trudge through the trenches of
planning, building, refining, moving up, out, over and redefining before
you get to the place where success clicks. Keep going.
5. Believe in yourself.
You
are your own worst critic, and so can you be your own best supporter.
If you do not have confidence in your own value, abilities and
contribution, then nobody else will either. You must have faith in your
intrinsic worth. We each have something to offer that is necessary and
valuable, though we may not know what that something is.
You do
not have to be able to see the end zone. Just because you aren't able to
visualize where you might go and how you might succeed, that doesn't
mean it will not happen. And just because you may have made mistakes and
have a string of failures behind you does not mean that you can't
achieve your goals in the future. You can do far more than you can
imagine.
6. Don't burn your bridges.
You never know when a
former boss, colleague, business partner or acquaintance may come in
handy. Try to part on good terms, stay on good terms and never gossip
about former connections. Be respectful and open to possibilities.
Maintain
and foster connections on all levels. Connect others and offer your
help to those you know. A wide pool of friends, peers and connections of
all kinds will provide a wealthy resource of ideas and support as you
go forward in life. (The exception would be dishonest, disrespectful or
offensive people. Cut em loose!)
7. Money is not the most important thing.
Money
is important. We all have bills to pay, I understand that completely.
But in the end, or even in the middle, maybe especially in the middle,
money is not the end goal. Satisfaction in a job well done, contributing
to something worthwhile and finding something you enjoy doing (or
figuring out how to enjoy what you do) are more motivating goals and
certainly lend themselves to a happier and less stressful life.
Contrary
to what you have been sold by the “lifestyles of the wealthy and happy”
fallacy, money does not equate to happiness. Nor does it insulate you
from pain, suffering and conflict or improve your relationships with
those around you. Money is simply a currency that allows you to eat,
dress and live. It is not a magic wand.
8. Don't be afraid to stand up and stand out.
Take
a stand. Speak up. Stand out from the crowd. If something is important
to you, then stand up for it...even if it is unpopular. Never compromise
your integrity. One person can make a difference and shed light on
injustice or unfairness. If it's not right, say so.
Be quirky, be
different, be yourself. Don't worry so much about conforming to
society's standards or whatever passes for the norm. While I do think it
reasonable to be clean, respectful and considerate, I think we place
too much emphasis on fitting in and being “appropriate.” This is not
your grandmother's world. Don't be afraid to be yourself.
9. It's not a race.
We
have so much to do, so much to accomplish and it feels as though we
have to be in a hurry to get there. It is likely that you will live
upwards of 80 years. That is plenty of time to fit a whole host of
wonderful endeavors into your life. People work into their 70s and 80s,
have children into their 40s and change careers or start businesses at
any age.
You do not have to do it all at once. In fact, if you
try to do it all at once you will, at best not have time to enjoy it and
at worst burn out and damage your health and relationships. Slow down
and take one thing at a time, one day at a time. Yes, make plans, but
don't be in such a rush 24/7.
10. Look for the good in everything.
Stay
positive. Look for the good in people. Celebrate the happy moments, big
and small. Search for the lesson and opportunity for growth in the
difficult. Give helpful encouragement rather than negative criticism. Be
helpful whenever possible.
This does not mean put on Pollyanna
glasses and ignore the bad. Dishonesty, disrespect, unhappiness and evil
exist and you will have to deal with them. But don't let those
difficulties color your experience. If you view the world around you and
life's challenges through the lens of goodness, then you will find life
much more enjoyable.
Life is serious — and sometimes awful — but you can still be upbeat and hopeful. Otherwise, what's the point?
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